"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me."

"Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
 Trust ye in the Lord for ever: for in the Lord Jehovah is everlasting strength:" Isaiah 26:3-4

I guess what Im about share may at first contradict what the verse above says...I want to share my heart just a little bit right now and whats going on in my spiritual life. Im not saying what I am about to say to be like, "Hey look at me...im going through a rough spiritual time." No, in fact, Im hoping this may actually be a blessing.

 

As Christians, we all struggle with our Spiritual life...I know I do. We all struggle with different things. Some may struggle with having a walk with God, and having that connection with Him. Some may struggle in he area of getting Gods Word out to others. Some may stuggle with the growth in their Christian life.

 

Have you ever just not cared about the things of the Lord? You see your Bible sitting there on the dresser and you know you need to read it, but you purposely don't read it?  Yes, that's me. Thats been me for about a month.  I know I need to do something...but...I just have "given up". But, have I really? If I have "given up" why do I everyday say in the back of my head, "Cassie don't forget to read your Bible" I said I don't care right?? But I must.

 

I know that I am saved. I know that God has done so many things for me in my life that I just dont deserve. You may say then, "Cassie how can you have a "cold heart" if you know God is there for you and loves you?" Ask yourself that question the next time you go through a situation like this. Ask yourself that question the next time you say to God, "God, dont you hear me? Your not listening..Are you there?"

 

My hearts desire, even though Im in a spiritual down fall (I guess), is to find the Joy and fire for Gods Word like I used to. Ive gotten to the point to where when I hear a message or a chapel message,  I don't hear God speaking to me or I don't feel the Lords presence. Oh how I long for that. I do. I want to see the Lord continue to work in my life. But...in order to do that I must seek the Lord.

 

"When you pull back it is natural to get cold. MAKE yourself read, pray and witness. Do something for others. Don't think of what you are not doing, but pickup where you are and give time to Him. The devil is a liar and a deceiver. Don't listen to his garbage. You will be fine. Take 15 minutes and read. Write down blessings, etc." - Mrs. Jojo Moffit shared this with me tonight. Not just her but many of my friends...They are all right. All I want to do is throw in the towel, and just give up and yet...I can't...

...I have to keep pressing on...I do. I want to take that step, but I can't do it a lone. I need God. I need that PUSH! I want the desire and excitement to go on my bus route and soul win. I want the desire back and joy to read my Bible and spend time with God. I can't looking at the mistakes Ive made...i can't keep dwelling on what I have or have not done...I can't do it because it keeps pushing me farther and farther down.

I can't and I won't...I am determining now that I have to keep pressing on and looking to God. I need the Lord in my life. HE has brought me this far, and He will carry me on. Im reaching out my hand to Him. What's in the past is in the past. I just want to please the LORD. I really do. So," Satan, i need you to get out of my life and get the snot out of here. I hate you." God has been good. He has given me a wonderful family, wonderful church, wonderful friends, a good life. God has given me so much to be thankful for.

If you ar reading this, please pray that I will continue to keep my eyes on the Lord, and to follow His leading and guidance. I want God to continue to use me for His glory and honor. I want CHRIST TO BE NUMBER ONE IN MY LIFE FOR NOW ON.