On October 6th - I lost my job that I had been working at for two and a half years. Oh, me loosing my job that day, and during that week, just was not right. I was already going through a rough week, and I really didn't need that to be added to my plate...or did I? I remember after finding out that I had lost my job, me asking myself,"So what am I going to do now? What am I supposed to do?" The one place where I knew God wanted me to be, had been taken away...I felt lost and confused. I won't lie to you, I was very upset at God. That whole week I spent every night crying and asking God, "What are you trying to teach me?? Do you even hear me? If you do, you sure aren't answering me..."
Friends kept telling me, "Its going to be okay. You are going to make it through this week. You can do it!" I knew I was going to make it through the week...that was something I knew, but how? I wasn't sure. Everything that was going on, was definitely taking a toll on me, and loosing my job at the end of the week, definitely didn't help. The following Monday, my mom told me that we needed to go out and job search. I was not going to have that. I wanted to morn over the fact that I had lost my job. Silly? Yes.My mom kept telling me how I needed to grow up, and that this has happened to a lot of people not just me. I kept trying to convince my mom that I wasn't everybody else, but just Cassie Miller. I put up a fight...oh I did.
What was I so afraid of about going to different places and looking for a job? Ill tell you in one word: REJECTION! Being told, "I'm sorry, we don't have any jobs for you right now." Every time I heard that, I thought to myself, "Well If I was still at the bank, I wouldn't have to deal with this..." But the fact was, I know longer would be working at the bank, and God has a different plan for me!
"...But I Have Been Blessed..."
The month of October was probably one of the hardest months for me. But what did I learn that month of October when everything just wasn't going the way that I liked to have it go? What did I learn through the sleepless nights? Nights where I would cry myself asleep? These are lessons that I am still learning, but am very glad that I am.
Psalm 37:23-24 says,"The steps of a good man are orderd by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; for the Lord upholdeth him with his hand." Man...to know that my Lord IS with me no matter what I go through and that He IS right here next to me through every trial and situation that I go through, is so comforting. And yet sometimes when a trial or situation does come, I find myself so wrapped in it, that I forget His promises.
1 Peter 5:7 says, "Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you." That week I found myself constantly calling out to the Lord, and asking Him to help me. I knew I couldn't make it through the day unless He was there to guide me through it.
Psalm 139:23-24 says, "Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." I found myself throughout the week, quoting this verse. I wasn't exactly sure why, but I knew that all that was going on, was God molding me, and shaping me into His image. Yes, the situation and trials weren't good, but to know that my Lord was using it for His glory and honor, and to help me look to Him and just trust Him, was well worth it, and still is. Well all face trials and tribulations everyday. I still am. But to know that I have the Lord on my side, and Hes with me each step of the way, its comforting. I still am looking for a job, but God has blessed me with a little part time job that doesn't pay a lot, but it helps. I also sometimes forget how He has blessed me with 6 piano students as well! So, I must keep doing what God has for me, and not give in or up! Even though its been a long journey, God has sure blessed me!
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